Taking responsibilities for the debts and not blaming anyone else

Speaking of savings, I admit that I am weak with that. But I am trying to improve myself on it (to these days).

For ten years that I am working, I don’t have much savings. Why?
Because whenever I want to buy something, I will not ask money from anyone. Not unless it is for the groceries for the whole family, I will use the joint accounts. For several years I did not have a joint debit card or joint credit card. Its joint check was all I had, and I cannot pay any checks whenever I bought food for my kiddos when we were out, and I cannot pay any checks in gasoline stations. Another thing is that there are/were also times that I will buy groceries and use my own cards. Even buying some (not all – just a few) household appliances or giving gifts (to families and friends), I am/was using my own cards.

Well, I love to help in my own ways, and I love to give, but I won’t say anything that I buy this and that. I was doing this kind of attitude for several years. My only witness with my own spending was my records in my accounts. All the printouts were there except for the credit cards that I closed because I transferred it to a new bank this year. When I transferred it, I did not ask for any help from any close friends or whoever. Although I was waiting for any suggestions but I got none.

So, I transferred it myself with the hope that the one who will cater me in the bank will have the biggest heart to offer me a balance transfer – like a person who can understand my source of income. I was thankful for the bank officer who helped me out because she approved my applications. And now, I am doing my best to pay everything off. But then there are times that I will use it in paying the things that I need to pay for the very reason that I do not want to bother anyone on things that I need. Anyway, I shredded this card already together with the other card coz I am choked with my credits. I have this for more than six years now, and I am paying it, but then after paying my monthly dues I will credit more. I NEED TO STOP!

The thing that I have right now is my debit card for my salary. And this debit card, I cannot help it but use it in buying gasoline (except in Costco coz they will not accept PayPal debit card) or paying some purchases in fast food chains, and other things that I need to pay (like oil change and other things that my kids need). I also need this card in paying for my online store fees because again I do not want to bother anyone for my payables.

Oh dear, I shredded my CCs, but then I am using my debit card in my purchases whenever I am out or whenever I need to pay for my online biz expenses.

I seldom use joint cards (coz I have joint cards right now and I had this like since 2014 or 2015 coz again all I had was joint check), and that is the reason why I got HUGEE credits to these days.

To enumerate of the reason why I have HUGE credits:
*paying on my own for the things that I need
*helping in buying some groceries
*sending money to my parents back home
*funding my own biz
*paying things for my kiddos without asking any help
*bringing my kids out and spending my own (well, I just need to be out for my kiddos. They are young, and they SHOULD NOT SUFFER FOR ANY DEBTS that I need to pay. Oh dear!)
*giving gifts

I am not blaming anyone for my choices. It is my own, and it is my responsibilities. I just need to stop.

Keeping things to myself is the ROOTs why I have THESE HUGEEEEEEEEEEEEE DEBTS!

I NEED TO STOP KEEPING THINGS TO MYSELF.

I NEED THAT MY INCOME SHOULD BE USED IN PAYING OFF THE DEBTS THAT I MADE.

OH DEAR GOD! HELP ME OUT! (I KNOW GOD IS HELPING ME OUT! I AM GRATEFUL FOR EVERYTHING THAT YOU DO! U R A GREAT PROVIDER! U ARE MY SOURCE OH GOD!)

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